Here we go…….my first post. My mother passed 10~26~16 around 730am. I did not get the news until around 3pm. How ironic I was at Disneyland when I was told. Why ironic? Disneyland was always a place my dad would take us when we were younger to take our minds off of my mother being sick. So as I got older Disneyland and Dodger stadium held a special place in my heart. There I could escape from reality. Now, not even two months after her passing the thought of going to the park that always brought me joy gives me such heartache.
I haven’t been able to express myself or sort my thoughts. So I must warn you that I do not know what this blog will look like. But invite you to experience this journey with me. Immediately after her passing I remember having this urgency to talk to my husbands best friend who had lost his mother two years back. At the time I could not explain why I needed to see him but as time goes by I now know I was looking for answers. I wanted to know did it ever stop hurting, did time cure the heartache and were there any tips to this pain I felt that at times would make it hard to breathe. He told me what others who have lost a mother have said, “it never stops hurting, it only gets worse but you will learn how to manage”.
I am having a hard time managing. Because in order to get out of bed and in order to go to work I have made myself believe she is in Mexico on vacation and will eventually be back. This is the only way I can make it through my days. Every night I ask her to come see me in my dreams……but it hasn’t happened for me yet.